thelectureroom: Mog! (Default)
[personal profile] thelectureroom
Title: The Nobody Virus
Author: hajikurazaki19 and DeadShut
Rating: One for the terrible-and-we-mean-Terrible writing, one for the horribly boring characters, one for the sexism (OMIGAWD THE SEXISM), one for the needless and graphic violence, and one just to let you know that this entire fic is devoid of any entertainment value whatsoever. You have been warned.
Full Name (including any titles): Ryan “Roxas” Hall, Sora O’Reily. (There's a million more, but they're not worth remembering.)
Full Species(es): Scum of the earth.
Hair Color (include adjectives): The quick summary for this part is to say that sometimes hair is same as canon, sometimes it’s something entirely different. There is never any good reason for either.
Eye Color (include adjectives): The most memorable colour is green. Why is it memorable? You’ll see.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: *shrugs*
Special Possessions (if any): Sora has a fancy stick masquerading as the Keyblade in one pocket and seemingly an Idiot Ball in the other, because incompetence like his has to be in tangible form. The story itself also has a weird love/hate relationship with Italy.

Origin: Frank Miller’s Guide to Fanfiction (with a foreword by Alan Moore)
Connections To Canon Characters: Stole their names. And then killed them to hide the evidence.
Special Abilities: Hallucinating others into believing anyone's had character development or changed in any way whatsoever.
Other Annoying Traits: Let’s save you some time and compress the answer down to “Everything not mentioned above.”

I Say/Notes:

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five

WARNING FOR oh look it's the fic trying to justify writing about abuse towards women.


Mog: *from notes* Roxas goes to the kitchen and finds Axel.

"What's up?" asked Roxas.

Roxas: Not my faith in humanity, that's for sure.

"Heartless," snorted Axel. "They attacked us. I don't feel like going into the details."

Axel: Mainly cuz there's only so many ways you can describe “boring.”
Zexion: Or “meandering.”
Lexaeus: I'm rather fond of the term “bloated” myself.

The redhead threw a magazine on the kitchen table before going on a fridge-raid himself. "Look, you're popular."
Roxas looked. It was a real estate magazine, but on the back cover he saw his most recent school picture, with bold text underneath: Have you seen this boy? It gave information on the abduction. "If found, please contact the Hall family at…"

Xion: ...867-5309.
Roxas: “Abduction”? How do they know I didn't just run away?
Axel: The aliens left some proof behind.

"Oh, fuck them," he said loudly.

Axel had poured himself a glass of root beer and was now nonchalantly dunking chocolate chip cookies into it.

Axel: I'm trying to put myself into a sugar-coma to escape.

"I could've sworn you once said you hated your parents, or they hated you, or something."

"They do. But they don't wanna look like they killed me or something.

Marluxia: With this kind of gratitude, I can see why they ignored you.

Damn, this'll make it hard to go on missions."

"Fuck up missions, you mean," corrected Axel through a mouthful of soda and cookies.

Lexaeus: He didn’t need to be a missing person to do that.
Larxene: Why’s the fic think Ryan’s so special if it constantly tells me what a failure he’s been his whole life?

"Fuck you, man," Roxas retorted. "If you'd been through what I have, you'd have done the same fucking thing.

Roxas: You came in second of ONE contest! You haven't lost your heart, you haven't had to relearn practically everything because you have no memories, you've never had to watch your two best friends die right before your eyes knowing there was nothing you could do to save them, you've never had your reality turned upside down, you've never dealt with not having a body of your own. Stop pretending to be me!
Xion: *hugs*
Mog: *joins in hugs* Anyhoo, Zexion comes in to say Roxas has more training.

Axel joined in. "No, but fuck it, Zexion doesn't like you so you'll probably end up doing something just as revolting."

"Like fucking your mother?"

"No, like me fucking my mother's…corpse, since she's dead."

They grinned at each other.

Larxene: Incestuous necrophilia is the BEST ice-breaker!

It wasn't some special moment, no soft music playing in the background, but in that exchange of happiness, the two men became friends.

Terra: And to think the Harry Potter kids had to fight a troll to get their friendship started. All Ron and Hermione had to do was make an offensive comment about Harry's parents.

Zexion's room lacked holographs. In fact, it lacked numerous things, one example being a bed.

Roxas: Zexion is a cow. He sleeps standing up.
Larxene: So I could go Fringe-tipping if I so desired?
Mog: *from notes* Frin— I mean, Zexion has lots of stuff on tables.

"Welcome to your classroom for the next couple of days," said Zexion. "Have a seat at the empty table, and I will be with you momentarily."

Larxene: (as Zexion) Feel free to get naked while you wait.
Zexion: Exactly how often do you stop by kink memes during a day?
Larxene: Exactly enough times to get blackmail for you guys.

Roxas did so, and watched as Zexion opened up a door he had not seen before, to another room with a dark red interior and a fireplace clearly visible.

Xion: That's his portal to the Gryffindor common room.

Zexion reemerged a second later with a large book in his hand, which he placed in front of Roxas on the table. Roxas looked down to see the title of the book:

Roxas: (as self) *reading* Les Miserables.

The Human Mind. Over a thousand pages. It was as heavy as a brick.

Terra: I think a thousand page book is going to weigh a lot more than one simple building brick.

Roxas looked up to see Zexion writing the same three words on the chalkboard.

Marluxia: We were going to give you a Smart Board but we blew our budget on the room labels.

"Define this," said Zexion, throwing the chalk onto the little holder beneath the blackboard.

"Define what?"

"The human mind. Define it!"

Roxas, put on the spot, stuttered, "I, uh, I dunno…the…the brain, I guess? No…"

Zexion put his hands on the table and leaned forward, looking at Roxas through his spectacles.

Roxas: ...Wait. You clearly don't need glasses for everyday use, you don't need them for reading since you read off a report at the beginning without them, and you're not on the computer. What are these glasses for?
Zexion: You couldn't possibly know I'm intelligent without bifocals.

"The human mind," he said through grit teeth.

Terra: *grits teeth* A hoo-in hine't. *normal* No, doesn't work.

"It's the most powerful thing on this planet, and probably the third-most powerful thing in the galaxy, the second being gravity, the first being the sun. The human mind is responsible for every luxury you own, for every weapon used to conquer, for every political movement, and for every joyous emotion you've ever experienced.

Roxas: Man, remember joyous emotions? I sure don't.

The human mind is the bringer of miracles, but also the bringer of disasters.

Axel: The human mind can create babies! The human mind can revive the dead! The human mind can turn water to wine! The human mind can make you stub your toe!
Mog: *from notes* Zexion keeps talking.

"There is no God. We are the Gods, Roxas.

Roxas: I AM THE GOD!

Or, at least, our minds are. Many people abuse their gifts." He tapped his temple. "And prefer to work on such useless feats, such as…" He flexed his arm, showing a tiny muscle.

Axel: Yeah, you're right. All that stuff we saw in the Met? No one made that.
Roxas: All the stuff in the Smithsonian? No one had a hand in that.
Zexion: The Invictus quote forcefully shoved in a few chapters ago was written by no one of importance.
Terra: No one sailed across the oceans to discover this land then build and inhabit the very city you're living in.
Larxene: *boredly playing with Marluxia's hair* You guys wanna sum it up as "You Fail Logic Forever" and move on?

"Today's society is run by brutes, brawny folks with no brains.The Organization is made up by people who loathe these mindless insects, for we do have brains.

Roxas: (as self) Actually, sir, that just sounds like—
Zexion: (as self) We are NOT a group of egotistical hypocrites! We are NOT!
Mog: *from notes* More talking.

"It's the brawny people who rule the world.


Xion: Yeah, look at all those beefcakes up there.

However, something as petty as a slightly intellectual or philosophical piece of thought can turn their worlds upside down, make them cry for their mothers, urinate their pants.

Larxene: Actually, people are sharing intellectual/philosophical ideas. You're just too far up your own ass to hear them anymore.

Why? Because the majority of this world's minds are so narrow and shallow that anything deeper than everyday concepts formed by conformists

Marluxia: If they're forming the ideas, they can't be conforming to the ideas.

is like a behemoth to them. And why shouldn't it be?"

He paused for Roxas to answer.

"No idea, sir."

"Doesn't matter; give me an answer."

Xion: (as Roxas) Cheese. You didn't specify what question I had to answer.

"Because deep thoughts, or 'behemoths', are what progress humanity.

Roxas: They'll also drop on your head when you least expect it.

Isn't that right? So everyone should be given them, even if it pains them."

Zexion smiled triumphantly. "I may have underestimated you, Roxas Hall.

Roxas: (as self) Thank you, Zexion Fender.
Terra: That sounds like a disease a car would catch.

Yes, people need to know that things go deeper than just modern society's pop icons or interesting products.

Zexion: I hate the world because a girl broke my heart. No, wait, I hate the world because of pop culture. No, wait—!
Larxene: Maybe Kairi broke up with him by slapping a Teen Beat magazine across his face.

A whole world is around them.

Zexion: It'd be nice if I visited it and stepped out of my negative bubble.

I believe that each human mind is worth more than all the currency in the world, but I see so many of them wasted on such trivial and irrelevant things.

Terra: I blew the last of my mind on an infomercial product.

Everyone should bring new ideas to the table, but since most people are too busy doing things that don't even matter instead of coming to the table,

Axel: Like MSTing bad fanfics.
Roxas: Badum-ksh!

the Organization must find Kingdom Hearts. It is for the greater good.

"Your brain, and mine, and almost everyone else's, each has about enough blood vessels within them to circle the world four times."

Xion: This sentence was feeling a little lonely so it hopped into the middle of the fic for attention.

"This is actually making my head hurt," remarked Roxas, running a hand through his spiky hair.

Roxas: *running hand through hair* More than you'll ever know.
Mog: I'll skip the rest of this for you, kupo. Not much happens anyway.

Roxas left Zexion's room and went into his own. On the table next to his bed, he saw that his cell phone was ringing. Not the one given to him by the Organization; his old one, the one he had been "kidnapped" with.

Marluxia: It's convenient that you sleep with your cell phone on you. Then again, you are a teenager.

Blocked caller ID. Intrigued, he picked up the phone.

Roxas: What could possibly go wrong with this idea! I'm ONLY working for a secret organized crime group while being a reported missing person!
Mog: *from notes* So we go back to Marluxia who is torturing the hostages he captured the other day—
Roxas: THE OTHER DAY?!
Mog: ...Yes?
Roxas: We've been here for hours and we've only passed a few days in the timeline?!
(After a long silence…)
Lexaeus: We are going to die here. This room is our final resting place.
Mog: But I know something that'll cheer you up, kupo!
Axel: What could possibly cheer us up?

"Fuck you!" said the ringleader to his friend. "Fuck you, asshole!"

Roxas: *laughs at the unintentional Commando quote*
Axel: Heh. That does make me feel better.

The man did not look at him, only at Marluxia. Marluxia stared at him back, mind racing.

Terra: (as Marluxia) Should I order Chinese food for dinner or Indonesian?

The psychotic sonofabitch then said, "Fine, then. I will let you go. But for one reason and one reason only: I need you to alert the authorities of my reappearance. Tell them Marla Shift returns, and any man who is in the New York P.D will have their families, children and all, targeted. You will also never venture into Central Park or go to Luxia again or, so help me God, I will chop off your dick, sew it between my legs and fuck you with your own dick before slitting your throat."

Marluxia: Remember when I just made a plan and followed it?
Larxene: Remember when I metaphorically ripped out people's heartstrings instead of literally doing it?
Marluxia: Remember when we weren't laughably over-the-top villains?
Larxene: Those were good days, weren't they?
Both: *blissfully sigh*
Axel: “Any man who is in the New York P.D.” So tell no one, you mean.
Xion: It's against the rules to have female cops.
Terra: *wonders what in all the worlds he just read*
Mog: *from notes* And he dies. The end. *looks over notes* We only kept about 30% of that scene.
Zexion: I should start listing all the pointless moments.

Roxas answered the phone.

Roxas: (as phone) BRRRRRRRRNNNNNNN!!! This is your captain calling!

"Ryan?"

"Lily!" he said, chest roaring with thunderous happiness. "You're back, babe! How was your trip?"

Roxas: Babe? What is she, my girlfriend of equal standing or a pig?!
Xion: If you'd called me honey-bunny, it would've been cute.
Larxene: Oh, gag me.

"Ryan," she said again, voice trembling. "Please, help…"

He frowned. "Lily? What's up?"

Zexion: Not your cognitive skills, that's for certain.

Something on the other line was happening, some quick movement…the phone was being handed to someone else.

"Hello, Hall," said the voice of Adam McLean, a voice that Roxas despised but right now feared, for it sounded lower, deeper, less obnoxious and more inhuman.

Axel: He really has turned into a cartoon villain.
Roxas: That would be funny if it weren't unfortunately true.

"Adam?" he asked dumbly. "Wha…?"

Xion: SAY WHAAA?!

"I have your little girlfriend here at her apartment. I've just fucked her in all directions, Ryan, and I have a gun to her head."

Axel: *to Xion* You're taking this surprisingly well.
Xion: I've been through worse. Sure, this is offensive but it is just fictional.

Roxas' mouth had gone dry, but he managed to say, "You sonofabitch."

"Come to her apartment in one hour, at High Noon. It's time we've settled this once and for all."

Terra: *imitating Yosemite Sam* Me n' you are gunna have a ruffin-tuffin' shoot-out, varmint!

McLean hung up.

Roxas ran for the kitchen to get his Keyblades.

Axel: Stab yourself in the thumbs some more, that'll help!

9: Second Offer

"Hello, D.C!"

Sora leapt off the bus, excited, as he had never been to Washington before.

Axel: Sweet darkness on a saltine cracker, it's been so long I completely forgot where you were going and what you were doing!
Terra: I never knew what he was doing in the first place.
Roxas: (as Sora) My parents are possibly dying. Hellooooo wrong mood!

He had spent the better half of a six hour road trip next to Kairi, sleeping. And when he had woken up at a gas station a little farther north, her head was on his chest, and his heart was thumping. Riku had sat alone with his duffel bag.

Xion: It was the only thing in this world that understood him.

Riku looked almost as tired as he felt. Dark rings formed under his eyes as he hopped off the bus. "Okay, we need to head to the National Mall."

Sora frowned. "Why? You need to sleep."

Riku yawned. "I'm meeting a contact.

Roxas: (as Riku) But first I'll need to go halfway around the world to make a sandwich.

He'll provide us with a place to crash. He's owes me that fucking much."

Kairi looked at him. She had her suspicions, but didn't want to say anything.

Marluxia: If she did she might become two-dimensional.

She didn't want to bring it up and find out it was false. Then Riku would never trust her. It had taken years to earn that trust in the first place.

Axel: *motioning* Alright, bring it in! Set that exposition down real careful!

They had grown up on the same street. Kairi was in the more privileged areas of The Bronx,

Larxene: There's an oxymoron.
Roxas: But will she have to leave the Bronx?

while Riku lived closer to the Warzone. They met up with each other frequently, since Riku was often sent on errands by the gangs in his area.

Xion: Meanwhile, Kairi was getting their coffee for them.

He was bred to fight and defend. Steal, kill, and run.

Axel: Not necessarily in that order.

He was constantly running drugs to other parts of New York. Police never suspected a child to be tough enough to delve so deep into that world.

Axel: Oh, shut up. There's no police, we know the truth.
Roxas: *in movie guy voice* In a world where characters relay their entire life stories back to themselves...

Riku learned quickly that he had to fight to survive. He had to strike deals and pay debts,

Roxas: He had to know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em.

and he became well connected, being able to cut deals with some gangs while double crossing others. He was very street conscious, and only recently took to physically selling drugs.

Marluxia: He'd been selling them telepathically before.

Though he used them more as leverage than anything else.

Kairi's role was usually the lookout. She had given Riku a place to hide when he was unable to keep up with the game.

Terra: I'll bet he's stuck in the forest area at Castle of Dreams. That place is a pain and a half to get through.

They had developed a friendship as Riku hid, and that developed into a partnership as he got better.

Roxas: What, so they weren't friends before?
Xion: I know I'd help hide a drug runner I hated.

Kairi's parents weren't so eager to have a drug runner in their house, so they tossed Kairi out on the streets that she had fallen in love with.

Roxas: She DID have to leave the Bronx!
Xion: *singing* He's a tramp but I love him.

Riku, feeling so bad about what he did, promised her that he would set her up.

Terra: ...for a date?
Larxene: ...some explosives?

That was three years ago, and he was still working on it. But, he would never let Kairi know just how much he was sacrificing to get this done.

Xion: Aww, that was actually kinda sweet.
Roxas: 'Cept all those feelings go away when you realize his entire motivation is his own darn fault.
Mog: *from notes* Time to wait for the contact to show up!

Kairi looked at him. "You're going behind Mick's back?"

Riku turned away. "He doesn't know everything about me, no. I have to do things on my own sometimes. If he gets involved, we are all royally fucked.

Xion: ...ha ha ha king pun?
Terra: Can someone please explain to me who “Mick” is?
Roxas: You know when you went to talk to Yen Sid and passed by a mouse with a Keyblade that flew off into the sky like a shooting star and you didn't even blink?
Terra: Yeah.
Roxas: That was him.
Terra: *confused* So they're working for someone that's three feet tall?

I'm drawing a line between me and my thing and him. He's not even supposed to be doing this, so I don't think he'll mind. I'm not killing anyone…yet."

Sora cringed. Riku had mentioned killing.

Axel: We already read that! Get your eyes off Kairi's ass and keep up!

He still didn't tell him about what had happened at Club Heartless. He didn't look like he was in the mood to hear about him blowing their cover. And he begged Kairi not to say anything. She agreed, but only if he told him soon.

Lexaeus: If I'm following this story correctly, then that means Riku disobeyed previous orders to abandon two minors, one of whom is his lifetime friend, at a night club possibly run by a gang lord, and afterwards either went to the club to find everyone inside dead or found Sora and Kairi wandering the streets, instantly deciding not to ask what had happened to make either scenario possible.
Zexion: How many more times do I have to say all interesting plot points are cut? There are only so many ways to word it.
Mog: *from notes* Sora is really tired.

"Excuse me," came a meek sounding voice.

Sora turned around. A young blond boy was standing behind him. He smiled softly, but Sora could see there was something eating at him. His blue eyes seemed dim. Dark. Betraying.

Roxas: ...Wait, what?

Riku stood up. "I come bearing gifts."

Terra: (as Riku) Of frankensenth, gold, and myrrh.

The blond boy turned to him. "Then, I think a handshake is in order." He glanced around. "I wouldn't want to insult your culture."

Riku scowled. "Always wanting payment," he shook the boy's hand.

The boy blew his nose, but Sora thought he heard a distinct sniffing sound. He threw his head back sharply.

"Fuck!"

Riku smiled. "I think it deserves a personal visit."

"Jesus man," the blond boy sounded suddenly like a man in his twenties. "Where the fuck…?"

Roxas: No no, hold it. I'm still stuck on “wait, what”. This is obviously Ven. It can be no one but. How in the universe are they going to “realistically” explain how he and I look exactly alike?
Axel: Estranged twins, duh.
Terra: *deep scowl* Ven does not curse. Ven does not do drugs. Ven is NOT going to be in this fic. He is NOT!
Mog: ...
Terra: That's a very ominous ellipses, Mog.
Mog: ... *quickly reads through notes* SotheygotoNotVen'shouseandwe'llpickupfromthere.

The blond man grumbled as he led them to a living room. Sora coughed, but not because there was cigar smoke everywhere, but because the white dust that wafted through the air was tearing at his lungs.

Xion: *pumps fists* You are tearing my lungs aPART, white dust!

He waved his arm, swatting away the invisible cloud of debris.

Across from the door, sat a man. He was a little bit older than the blond man that had guided them their,

Zexion: Or “there” even.

but he looked much tougher. His hair was dark and it was pulled into a tight ponytail on back of his head. It poked up, making it look like his hair was spiked from the back. He had his eyes closed and was leaning over the edge of the couch, moaning softly. Nestled between his legs was a small woman, barely out of her teens. Her head bobbed up and down slowly.

Terra: That's gotta be awkward to walk in on. *suddenly notices everyone is staring at his head* What?
Mog: *from notes* They finish. (*embarrassed* Ooh, that sounded dirty.)

The woman stood up, looking humiliated. Her hair was short and blond, just like the man's, and she whimpered as she left.

Lexaeus: Knowing that, because she was described, she would have to return to this story later.

The blond man turned back to him. "Terra, I brought them here to…"

Larxene: *throws her head back and has the best laugh of her entire existence*
Terra: *jaw drops as his face turns bright red*
Axel: Yeeeeeah, I don't think “awkward” covers this anymore.
Marluxia: *enjoying someone else's embarrassment* “Mortifying”, “humiliating” and “absolutely soul crushing” come to mind.
Terra: *still red* What? What what? What? What what what?
Larxene: *calms down* Oh, this just keeps getting better and better. So tell me how it feels to have people walk in on you getting a blowjob?
Terra: This isn't me! It CAN'T be me!

"Shut the fuck up, Ven," Terra growled. "Did I ask you why they're here?"

Terra: Why am I yelling at my best friend?!

The blond man, Ven, sucked in an angry breath. Terra ignored him and looked at Riku, holding his arms out. "Riku! Buddy!"

Terra: Why am I friends with a drug dealer?!

He stood and thumped Riku on the back. "Haven't seen you in a long time!"

Terra: WHY AM I HERE?!
Larxene: So we can all watch your pain. It's a lot of fun so far.

Riku shrugged away. "I brought you something. To repay a debt. And I need a place to stay for the night."

Terra: Then go to a hotel! Don't drag me into this!

Terra patted him. "Of course. Of course. That's the least I could do." He looked at Sora and Kairi. "Friends of yours?" He seemed bitter.

Terra: Yes I am! What in the name of light is going on?!

Riku nodded. "Sora and Kairi. We are working together for now. I don't intend for them to stick around too long."

Terra smiled. "Fair enough. The girl looks sound.

Larxene: She's next on the list to taste some—
Terra: Don't you dare complete that sentence! This isn't happening! This isn't me!

As for…Sora? I'm a little ancy around him if you know what I mean. You know how I get when I get ancy."

Zexion: (as Terra) I'm unable to use the word “antsy” correctly.
Roxas: Either that or he turns into a suffix.

Riku pushed him. "He's legit. I picked him to work with."

Terra smirked. "Oh, really?"

Riku nodded. "Look. I just want to pay my debt and crash for the night. Then, you never have to see me again."

Terra walked up to Sora, looking him up and down. "What's your game?"

Xion: (as Sora) Let's see, I've starred in Kingdom Hearts 1, 2, Chain of Memories and Dream Drop Distance. Then there's the data version of me in Coded and I got a cameo in Birth by Sleep!

Sora shrank away, though he tried to not be so obvious about it. "My game?"

Terra nodded. "Drugs? Guns? What?"

Zexion: (as Sora) What, it's definitely what.

Sora tried to look past him, but Terra kept trying to keep his eye contact. "Uhh…" His mind fumbled for a second.

Roxas: And that's a two point penalty!
Axel: Sora's Mind now holds the intelligence score of -1,407,706 points!

"Computers."

Terra leaned away, laughing. "Riku? Computers?"

Riku smirked. "I know. Not…"

"I doubt that, Riku," Terra said, turning to him. "You were never into computers, Riku. I should know." He glanced back at Sora. "You're a terrible liar, Riku."

Axel: (as Terra) Allow me to end every sentence with your name, Riku. I think this is supposed to make me more threatening, Riku. Instead it makes me sound like I have a weird verbal tic, Riku.

Riku tensed. He was tired, and Terra was probably going to drag this out. That's what he always did. Even when he was just a captain in New York.

"Look, Terra." Riku sighed. "I brought you what you wanted. Just let me go now."

Terra smiled. "Sure. You are my favorite runner after all. Go ahead, Riku and friends. I'll let you stay here. I'm open to hospitality. Just, don't touch nothing, Suburb."

Terra: *distraught* And now I'm speaking in double negatives!
Lexaeus: They didn't even try with you. Accept your characterization and move on.
Mog: *from notes* Terra says he'll talk to Riku later but first it's time to sleep before moving on to the next scene.

It was dark.

Zexion: And stormy.

Human eyes were not suited for this kind of deprivation.

"Zack?"

"I'm here, Skylar."

"I'm scared."

"I know." Silence. "Me too."

Although they couldn't see it, Zack and Skylar O'Reiley

All: ...
Mog: *checks clock* You haven't said anything for a few minutes now, kupo.
Axel: I feel like we just got M. Night Shyamalaned.
Terra: Zack?
Xion: "Skylar"? Not very subtle.
Terra: Zack?
Roxas: I don't think it's the Zack Fair you're thinking of.
Terra: *didn't hear* Zack?! He's the same age as me! Did they have Sora when they were eight or something?
Zexion: What is your exact age, anyway?
Terra: That's classified information.

were lying on hard metal tables, kept in place by thick leather straps. They each had IVs in their arms, feeding them fluids.

Marluxia: And here I thought IVs fed people hamburgers.
Mog: *from notes* Vexen is doing science.
Lexaeus: I have been forgotten about. That's fine, I'm used to it.

Vexen turned away from the glass. Zexion was climbing down the stairs.

Roxas: You should put in a fireman's pole so you don't have to do that.

He looked slightly annoyed, but he kept his composure.

"So far, I have deprived them of their most basic needs. They have gone without food, drink and many other luxuries for at least three days now.

Larxene: The no TV and video games is what's really getting to them.

They are solely riding on hope. However, they are tough. Strong. I do believe I picked good subjects."

"Have you done anything yet?"

Roxas: No, because he hasn't shown up since the second chapter.
Mog: *from notes* Time to start the test.

"Who's there?" Zack said as angrily as he could.

Zexion flipped on the light. "You have no right to be so brave…" He looked at the clipboard at the foot of the table.

Xion: (as Zexion) Sorry, forgot my line.

"Zack O'Reiley. Blood type AB…Completely clean. I'm surprised."

Zack arched his neck to look at Zexion, but the light burned his eyes. He hadn't even realized he was in the dark until the light was turned on.

Zexion: Now I see where Sora gets his intelligence from.

"Surprised? What do you mean surprised?"

Zexion picked up Skylar's chart. "Usually men like you are contaminated with a variety of toxins and diseases.

Axel: (as Zexion) And by “men like you” I mean “not awesome like me.”

I was mildly surprised to see you so clean. Need I explain it further?"

Zack closed his mouth.

"What do you want with us?"

Xion: He's a ventriloquist!

Vexen unhooked the IV from Zack's arm. "We want to borrow you for a short amount of time.

Axel: (as Zack) Okay, but be sure to bring me back. I need me for that business meeting on Monday.

If everything goes according to plan, you will be released unharmed. If not, you won't have to worry about anything anymore."

Terra: Can I join in this experiment? I've already been hurt beyond repair, may as well find some form of escape.

Zack tried move away from the syringe Vexen was forcing into his arm.

Xion: Aww. Just repeat to yourself “One, two, three, a mosquito bit me.”

"Zexion," Vexen said calmly. "Please take notes. I want to have something for Superior.

Roxas: That's not Xehanort, that's just their border collie.
Mog: *from notes* Then there's a lot of science. Then Zack explodes.
Roxas: He explodes?
Mog: Yup. They tried the virus on him but it didn't work. It was kinda gross but everything's kinda blending together now so I decided to skip it.
Lexaeus: This is why gratuitous violence doesn't work. By the time a character's death would hold any merit we've become desensitized to it all.
Terra: At least Zack got out of the fic quickly.

Silence followed. It was so sudden, it seemed to have a buzz of its own. Skylar was shocked, she didn't even scream. She merely sobbed.

"Zack…" she whimpered. "Zack! Please. You need to care for your son!"

Larxene: Lady, he's a puddle! He's not going to be much help around the house!

Zexion jotted down the last his notes as Vexen grabbed a collection of various beakers and hurled them across the room. "God damn it!"

"There is no God, Vexen."

Roxas: Because I AM THE GOD!

Vexen threw another beaker and it smashed against the observation glass.

Marluxia: It's nice to see that he's handling this minor setback so professionally.

Zexion wiped his face quietly. He looked at Skylar and approached her, making sure not to step in any of the chemicals that Vexen was spewing from his broken beakers.

"You asked him to come back," Zexion said. "Just now. What did you mean?"

Axel: Put two and two together, dim bulb. Son = son!

Skylar relaxed, too tired to strain against the leather straps. "Our son."

"I'm well aware of your son, Sora."

Terra: Then why are you asking this question?

"No, he was going to…"

"Be a father again?" Zexion offered.

Skylar huffed. She nodded weakly.

Axel: So come back for that kid but screw Sora.
Marluxia: Choosing favourites already. What lovely parents.

"How far along are you?"

Skylar shuddered and teared up again. "I was going to tell him on our date. Four weeks. He would have been so happy."

Roxas: Four weeks and she knows it's a boy already?
Xion: Would you want to have a daughter born into this fic?

"Vexen," Zexion said softly. Vexen stopped and turned around. Zexion glanced at him. "This woman just said she was pregnant."

Vexen instantly calmed. "Really?"

Skylar nodded.

Vexen left hurriedly. After he did not return for a whole five minutes, Zexion sighed heavily and cleaned up the lab.

Marluxia: Mopping up Zack took quite a while.

He ignored Skylar's trauma induced babbling and left after he was finished. He glanced back at Skylar and frowned as he flipped the light off, much to Skylar's dismay.

Roxas: ... dismay…
Axel: Bit of an understatement, isn't it?

Riku cracked open his eye. He saw Sora and Kairi sleeping in chairs across the room.

Marluxia: How Sora had the willpower to not touch Kairi for the whole night is beyond me.
Mog: *from notes* Riku thinks and sits up.

The same blond woman that had been sucking Terra off

Terra: *slaps hands over ears and closes eyes*

was then nestled in between his legs. She was slowly unzipping his pants, trembling lightly.

Riku pushed her away. "What are you doing?"

Xion: (as blonde woman) Being a girl. Every other one so far has been used only for sex, why be different now?

The woman looked up at him. She forced herself to look mean, but Riku could see she was a gentle soul. "I'm being hospitable."

Riku shook her by her shoulders. "Look…?"

"Namine."

Roxas: WHAT?!

"Namine." Riku said. "You don't belong here."

Roxas: NO SHE DOESN'T!

Namine pulled away from him. "You don't understand."

Roxas: I UNDERSTAND NONE OF MY FRIENDS ARE SAFE ANYMORE! WHAT NEXT, WE'RE GOING TO FIND OLETTE SELLING HERSELF ON A STREET CORNER?

Riku stood. "I think I do. You need to get out while you still can.

Roxas: YES! RUN, NAMINE, RUN!
Xion: You've gotten through everything else! Don't let yourself be brought down to this badfic low now!
Mog: *from notes* Riku thinks about how hard his life is.

He snuck out of the room with Namine, all but begging her to escape, but she would only huff and look away.

Axel: (as Riku) I said ‘You're such a sweet, young thing, why you do this to yourself?’ She looked at me and this is what she said:
Xion: (as Namine) *singing* Oh, there ain't no rest for the wicked, money don't grow on trees-

She explained that she owed Terra because he was paying for her art school.

Marluxia: Pfft. Of course.

She figured that being his sexual slave for the next four years wouldn't be that bad.

Roxas: Why couldn't she go to her parents?
Xion: Why couldn't she get a loan?
Roxas: Why couldn't she defer her acceptance?
Xion: Why couldn't she go to anything else but the worst option possible?
Axel: Your oh-so-original take on how mean and cruel the world is kinda loses its meaning when you don't put any context around it.

She could take care of herself.

Roxas: Yes, she can. Namine is tougher than everyone in this room combined. She would never put up with this!

Namine cracked the door open to the living room, where Terra and Ven sat on the couch. Ven was counting money while Terra watched impatiently.

Terra: (as self) No no no, look. If I take away four pennies from the original ten then that leaves me with six pennies. You need to know this stuff or else you'll never get your math grade up, Ven.

Across the room sat two other men that Riku hadn't noticed the day before.

Terra looked up and smiled. "Morning, Sunshine."

Riku nodded is answer.

Xion: Riku nodded a typo.

Terra stood. "By the way, that's Cloud."

Roxas: *groan* Sure, why not? Let's see how many other characters we can ruin during this.

One of the men at the table looked up quickly. His full head of blond hair drooped in some places. He looked like he had been up all night. "Yo."

Axel: (as Cloud) I'm a stereotype, yo.

"Best cutter I've ever had," Terra said proudly. "Hence his name. And the other is Leon."

The man, whose hair was brown, looked up. He was holding a small scoop and tiny bags. "Yo."

Marluxia: Somehow it manages to sound even dumber the second time.

"Best bagger."

Xion: (as Terra) Hence his name.

Terra put his arm around Riku's shoulder, much like he had the day before. Riku looked away from him, not wanting to resurface any memories from his rough upbringing in New York. Terra had been his captain when he was first recruited.

Axel: ...into Boy Scouts! Their method for getting camp money was a bit unorthodox, but if it ain't broken don't fix it!

He had taken a liking to him and promised that, one day, they would be partners. Riku didn't believe it. Terra used people to his benefit and rarely kept his promises.

Terra: I am a wonderful promise keeper, I'll have you know! One time Aqua made me swear to secrecy that no one would know she had broken the Master's favourite vase, and I haven't told anyone to this day.

"I only want the best." Terra said. "You are one of the best, Riku."

Riku stayed silent.

Terra pushed him lightly. "Loosen up, kid. I'm giving you a complement."

Xion: (as Terra) You wear too much green. Here's some red to go with it.

He flopped on the couch and lit a cigar. He blew the smoke right in Ven's face.

Roxas: Who just sat there and took it, because this is Anti-Ven.

"These are the best cigars on the market, you know that?"

Riku shook his head.

"Well, they are. Cost me a hundred thousand each." Terra blew another jet of the thick smoke.

Xion: *singing* I'm leaving on a jetsmoke, don't want to ever come back again...

"I can only afford them because of my illustrious profession. Which brings me to what I wanted to talk to you about last night."

Terra: (as self) Don't do drugs, kids.

Riku seized up, but didn't let Terra see he was scared. That would only add to his leverage.

"I heard from a supplier in New York that you were talking to this 'Lea' guy."

Riku furrowed his brow. "Lea?"

Roxas: (as Riku) Why is there a guy named "lee-ah"?
Axel: *light smack*
Mog: *from notes* Riku says he doesn't know a Lea.

"Listen, Riku," Terra said, still smiling. "I want you to be my new second. I know I offered this to you a while ago, but you declined my offer. We could do real damage, you and I."

Xion: Riku's Limit is awesome that way.

Riku looked down. "Ven's your second."

Terra smirked. "But he also wanted to take some of the coke you brought for me. That's a no-no. Which means…"

Terra: (as self) I'll have to ground him. No TV or—

He pulled out a shiny pistol from a holster and shot Ven through the head. Blood sprayed on the boarded window. "The position needs filling."

Terra: *jaw drops*
Marluxia: If by "ground" you mean literally put into the ground, I suppose your joke works.
Larxene: Look on the bright side: He's not in the story anymore.
Terra: ...Ven?
Axel: Shit, dude. Even I wouldn't do something that dickish.
Zexion: That's the amazing thing about all of this: You think it can't possibly go any lower and then it does. And then Ventus is killed in cold blood and you know there is a special seat in Fanfiction Hell reserved for this story.
Terra: *voice barely audible* ...I... It's like I shot my little brother in the face...
Xion: *concerned* Are you gonna be okay?
(Terra's face suddenly changes to one of pure loathing and darkness forms around him)
Terra: I SWEAR I WILL ARS SOLUM YOUR ASS ALL THE WAY TO KINGDOM HEARTS ITSELF FOR THIS! I WON'T LET VEN DIE IN VAIN! DO YOU HEAR ME?!
Xion: *whispers* Who is he talking to?
Roxas: *whispers* I don't think it matters to him anymore.

Riku shook his head. "I can't—"

Terra: MY BEST FRIEND JUST DIED AND YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO THIS? THAT ISN'T RIKU AND THIS ISN'T ME!
Mog: *takes sheet off the projector and starts scribbling* Fixed, kupo.

"I know you have your little, thing, that you do." Jerkbutt said, placing the gun on the table. "I'm not asking you to stay. Just, be my second. Then you can set up your girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend."

Roxas: (as Riku) She's a friend that just happens to be a girl, okay?

"But you owe her something."

Riku paused.

Xion: It's impressive to pause in the midst of doing nothing.

Jerkbutt smiled. "The offer will stand until this afternoon, but I'm sure you want to see what D.C has to offer. Just come back later with your answer. I'll wait."

Sora gasped quietly and backed away from the door. He couldn't believe what he just heard.

Terra: OR SAW! THERE WILL BE VENGEANCE BEFORE THIS IS THROUGH!

He snuck back into the room that had been provided for them

Zexion: The bathroom.

and feigned sleep. Riku came in shortly afterward. He nudged them awake.

"Come on," he said quickly. "We've gotta meet Mick."

Xion: (as Kairi) By the way, Riku, what was up with that gunshot I heard a minute ago?

10: High Noon

12:00.

Lily Ion's apartment building was rather short, and good portions of its exterior were either falling apart or covered heavily in graffiti.

Zexion: *busily writing*
Axel: Now what?
Zexion: This description makes it sound as if the apartment is very cheap, implying that Lily's family doesn't make enough income to afford something better, plus they can't move anywhere else at the moment despite the building being sold. Yet she and her father are able to travel to Germany for an extended amount of time. Inconsistency? I think so! *keeps writing*
Mog: *from notes* And then there's some stuff about stuff.

Why couldn't McLean have taken Roxas's parents, who were shitty people anyways?

Axel: Since we've only got Ryan's crazy word to go on for that, I'm starting to think his parents are actually good people, he's just the bad apple.
Mog: *almost speaks up but decides to let the foreshadowing sit*

Why did it have to be Lily, the most beautiful creature to ever walk God's green Earth, within the clutches of this homicidal suck-ass?

Lexaeus: It's at this point that I should bring up, however admirable it is that Ryan is rescuing his girlfriend, it's hard to emotionally— so to speak for us— connect to them when we know nothing about their relationship.

Shit happens. That's the way of life, so says the everyday philosopher or writer.

Axel: I would pay big munny to hear a philosophical debate that ends, “Teal deer: Shit happens.”

But Roxas felt as though piles upon piles, tons upon tons, of excrement had been dumped all over his life. He honestly believed was going to die in this building,

Roxas: The word that was supposed to be after “believed” was in fact “hamster”.

but he feared for nothing except the life of his girlfriend.

He ran inside; there was nobody in the lobby, no receptionist, no clerk, nothing.

Marluxia: The furniture ran off too.

He remembered that most people had moved on to bigger and better things, whilst the Ion family remained in their cozy third-floor apartment. Gunshots would not be heard by anyone.

Terra: Conveniently.
Mog: I'm gonna start banning your use of that word.

Roxas sprinted into the elevator, heart racing faster than ever.

Roxas: Emphasizing faster than ever!

After he jammed the "3rd"-button, he tried to calm down. There was no way he was going to best McLean if he was panicking.

But he had to panic.

Xion: That's not what the Hitchhiker's Guide told me. He must have a different print.

McLean said he had a gun. What did Roxas have? Two "Keyblades", computer devices/batons crafted by otherworldly beings, tied to his back in a metal "X". What was he gonna do, sodomize McLean into submission?

Larxene: ...Yeah, that would probably work.
Marluxia: He makes the word sound so nonchalant.

Didn't matter. All that mattered was getting Lily out of this fucking place ASAP.

Xion: Act Swiftly Awesome Paciderm.
Roxas: Yeah, we know we just referenced the awful Horton Hears a Who adaption. Whatcha gonna do about it? It’s more entertaining than this.

He would tell her the location of the safest place in the world, Oblivion Labs, and the Organization could have a new Member XIII while his body rotted in this apartment building with a bullet in its head.

Axel: Look, now he's fantasizing his own murder.

The doors to the elevator opened. In movies Roxas had seen before all of this, protagonists entering a deserted hallway where the serial killer lurked walked down it very slowly; Roxas sprinted yet again. He arrived at the Ion's apartment, and unsheathed his only weapons, his gifts from the most exciting and welcoming life he had ever been given, and kicked the door open with all his might.

Zexion: And then he realized he was on the wrong floor. He embarrassingly trudged back to the elevator to begin his dramatic entrance anew.
Mog: *from notes* He finds Lily.

She screamed loudly, and the sound devastating to Roxas.

Roxas: It was so devastating the rest of sentence just kinda wandered off.

He turned and saw McLean, dressed in one of Mr. Ion's many business suits, revolver in one hand and brick in the other.

Xion: Too bad Mr. Ion's clothes are four sizes too big, so McLean looks like a little kid playing dress-up.
Axel: (as McLean) Look, Mommy, I'm a big bad now!

"You made it," said McLean, his smile dripping with taunt. "Good. It's about time you saw the consequences of your stupid games."

Axel: You guys ever wonder if this is what Nomura's nightmares are like?

"Adam…" Roxas choked through his tears. "Please. Let her go, man, this isn't right. What've you done, Adam?"

McLean shouted, "Its PETE! PETE IS MY NAME, YOU MOTHERFUCKER! Adam is dead as a doornail because he was weak, he lost to you, but PETE will beat you! PETE IS INVICIBLE!"

Roxas: (as self) No you're not, I can see you right now.
Zexion: Did you dislocate your shoulder in that reach of a joke?

Roxas had no idea what the flying fuck this psychopath was talking about, but the utter shock of what was occurring still electrified his mind like a Taser. If you

Terra: *tilts head* What...?

are reading this as a high school student, imagine it yourself:

Xion: Imagine that one scene from I Am The Messenger.
Roxas: (quietly to himself) *singing* And I would walk five hundred miles...

someone you know, see everyday, talk to everyday, now standing with a gun in his hand, planning to kill you and your loved ones.

Terra: He just said he hates his parents, and he has no friends. Who else is there that can make that plural?!

If the Anglo-Saxons were right, and Fate ran everything, then Fate had taken Adam McLean, chewed him up, and spit him out as the lowest of the low.

Naturally a kind boy,

Axel: Hate to burst your bubble, Ryan, but being passive-aggressive and judgmental does not equal kind.

Roxas talked to the peer who had ruined his own stable mentality:

Marluxia: The guy winning an essay contest fair and square is punishable by death, but the guy torturing his friend deserves a chit-chat and a hug.

"Listen, then, Pete. Just put down the gun, okay? We don't have to do this." But was that true? Some dark corner in Roxas' mind reminded him sadly that "Pete" McLean had already done "this". The damage was done, and there would be no cooperation.

Instead of lowering the gun, McLean raised it to Roxas' level.

Terra: Level 23, to be exact.

The young man who used to be just a cocky asshole now looked manic, demonic even.

Roxas: (as Snagglepuss) Crazy, even! Exit, stage right!

His eyes were bloodshot, skin pale, face rugged with a slight beard. Normal children grow up to be normal adults, but this normal child had grown up to be something awful.

Xion: At least he has a forum to go to.

McLean was not a child anymore; Roxas realized he had to fight his adversary as an adult, no matter what the consequences were. The games of tag during recess were over.

Marluxia: You're both in high school. The games of tag during recess ended long before this.
Axel: And you hate each other! This isn't some badass final confrontation between friends-turned-enemies, you're both complete whiners!

How did this happen? He thought sorrowfully, and immediately came to his conclusion: I joined the Organization. That's how it happened.

True, but what was it that had fueled him to join? McLean. McLean and his acts against him…

Larxene: Clearly a high school bully that we didn't get to see bully you (geez, what a gyp) is way worse than the neglectful parents. He totally rigged the entire contest just to ruin your life.
Zexion: Which would make a more interesting story since it would involve a character being proactive rather than reactive.

which now did not seem so wrong or evil, compared to this new ploy of his.

Smiling toothily, gun still raised to Roxas' head, Pete McLean said, "Move away from her."

"No," whispered Roxas.

Xion: (as Roxas) My heart—
Roxas: Already went there. Thanks, though.

"Move away, or she dies!" McLean screamed, gun now pointing at Lily. Lily gave a muffled yelp.

"Okay," Roxas said, hands raised. "Okay."

He walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. McLean's smile grew wider as he said, "Now, you're gonna sit there and watch me have a little fun with your bitch. If you even dare to move, I'll blow her brains out. How does that sound?"

Lexaeus: As gratuitously violent as everything else so far.
Mog: *from notes* Some more dialogue.

"Fuck you, you unimaginable sonofawhore," whispered Roxas through clenched teeth.

Lexaeus: Cursing has lost any impact it might have had by now. The characters are just saying sounds with no meaning.

He was shaking with rage, with fear, with utter hopelessness. He was only dimly aware at this time that something on his back was starting to grow hot…

McLean laughed and crooned, "Aww. Does little Ryan-Wyan love her? Did little Ryan-Wyan want his first time with her to be magical?" Another gale of laughter.

Terra: With wind speeds up to 70 k/m per hour.

Roxas fell to his knees, tears pouring out of his eyes like rivers

Roxas: Hey, here's an idea: Instead of being melodramatic, how about you try using those weapons you've been training with for the past few days?

I've failed her,

Roxas: Keyblades.

I've failed her,

Roxas: Keyblades.

I've failed her,

Roxas: Keyblades!

oh Jesus, what's that hotness on my back, what the fuck, what the fuck…

It was the Keyblades.

Roxas: FINALLY!
Mog: *from notes* Powerful glowing Keyblades GO!

"Pete" was also taken aback.

"What is this?" he demanded, voice trembling.

Terra: Blood. Hope it's not Chris' blood.

He raised the pistol at Roxas. "Don't come any closer!" Now he was panicking, voice cracking.

Roxas felt good. He felt like a god.

Roxas: Because, in case you forgot, I AM THE GOD!

He stood up and laughed, loudly, almost hysterically.

"Stand your ground!" demanded Pete McLean, voice now higher-pitched.

Roxas moved forward.

Pete fired.

Xion: *singing* AIJOU YUUJOU OMOI KASANETE! TAISETU O KANADEYOU! *momentarily normal* Everybody now! *singing* LA LA LA LA LA LA LAAAA!

Saix hurried into the kitchen, where a good majority of the Organization was bickering loudly, as if in a panic.

Axel: (as self) WHO STOLE MY TURKEY SANDWICH? I KNOW SOMEONE IN THIS ROOM DID IT! *turns to Marluxia* WAS IT YOU?
Marluxia: Why would I—
Axel: (as self) I KNOW IT WAS YOU! YOU NEVER LIKED ME!
Mog: *from notes* Axel's worried about Roxas running off.

Zexion came forward.

"Saix, it would be most unwise to send in help for Roxas. It could be the Heartless, and we've already had enough complications with them today to pursue anymore encounters…"

Xion: We can only have one encounter every eight chapters. We'll be meeting up with them in another six.

Lexaeus, who Saix hadn't seen for days up until now, told his colleague,

Lexaeus: Dear god, a miracle happened.

"Oh, shut it, Zexion. The Organization is a brotherhood, not your fucking fan club. I say we send help. Hell, this shouldn't even be a debate. We are sending help, Zexion." He glared at Saix. "Aren't we?"

Roxas: You show up, speak, and are logical? No wonder you haven't been here! You have enough common sense to stay out!
Zexion: Yet you take the time to insult me.
Larxene: *smirks at him* Are you upset over this?
Zexion: *stiffens* No. Get the porn fiction out of your mind now.

Saix nodded immediately. He wanted nothing to happen to Roxas, who he had regarded with a certain kinship…something that surprised everyone, especially himself.

Axel: We must have missed all that surprise between the Xbox and the "milkie-wilkie".

"Well?" he asked. "Who shall go?"

He looked around at all of their faces, and in many of them saw a lack of care for the boy's wellbeing. Zexion was pouting,

Zexion: *scowling at the idea of him childishly pouting*

Marluxia looked rather bored with the entire situation,

Marluxia: *has been bored for quite some time*

Xaldin was scraping dirt from underneath his fingernails,

Axel: Those air controlled spears have many uses.

and Demyx was again just strumming away at his guitar without a care in the world.

Terra: Why is this guy part of your terrorist group again?

The rest looked genuinely concerned, even Larxene,

Terra: Oh, sure. You're the nice one.
Larxene: Hey, I'm not happy with this development either.

and Saix himself felt more concerned than all of them put together. Nobody spoke up.

Marluxia: It still sounds like a joke whenever they say that.

Axel opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by another voice from behind them all, by someone who just entered the kitchen.

"I shall go."

Axel: (a la old serials) Will Roxas survive his encounter with a maniac? Will Riku accept Terra's offer? Will Kairi make any kind of story impact? And just who is this mysterious voice? Find out next week on ‘The Nobody Virus’!

The bullet whizzed past Roxas and hit the wall behind him.

Axel: (still in old serial voice) Now returning to ‘The Nobody Virus’: It’s an anticlimax. No one is surprised.

It had missed by an inch, amazingly,

Roxas: Aww, I should have ducked underneath it. That would have been wicked.

and this suddenly gave Roxas a boost of confidence that could never be matched. He swung the energized Keyblades in a couple of slow circles, like he had recently trained himself to do in the Grey Room. The blades made electronic swooshing-noises that could only originate from an energy that was beyond the technology of this world.

Zexion: Quite a feat for fakes made in this world.

As the blades swung, they left trails of smoke, and singed the carpet underneath Roxas' feet.

Roxas: As if the Ions didn't have enough problems to deal with. They're gonna have to steam-clean for days to get those stains out.

He slowly made his way to the tiled kitchen.

Now McLean was lowering the gun. His mouth was open in a comical "O"-shape. Bound to the chair, Lily looked in utter amazement at the miraculous weapons in her boyfriend's hands.

Xion: The shiny makes me forget all my problems.

"S-stand back!" said McLean, suddenly furious.

Now it was Roxas' turn to taunt.

Terra: We've fallen into the corrupted Olympus Coliseum. After this, McLean will have his turn.

He spread his arms out wide, holding the Keyblades out like wings; they hit the walls of the room and burned into them. Roxas walked forward, ripping open the walls with the blades, rubble and shreds of burnt wallpaper falling around him like hellish confetti.

Roxas: Wait a sec. This is almost entertaining! *leans forward with a big smile* Come on, awesome!

He only released the Keyblades as soon as he was in the kitchen, where McLean was desperately trying to regain control over the situation.

Axel: Good idea, considering your girlfriend's in there too. Kinda ruin your plan if you smacked her in the head accidentally.

"Enough of this!" shrieked "the best", and raised the gun again, this time at Lily.

Roxas rushed forward and swung Oblivion high over his head, giving a bull-like battle cry that barbarians hundreds of years ago had only successfully roared.

Zexion: Except for the ones that died. They weren't so successful.
Mog: *from notes* Off goes Adam's hand and off goes Adam to the elevator.

Pete McLean ran into the elevator, more afraid than he had ever been in his entire life. The metal doors of the elevator shut, but not before McLean saw his arch-nemesis running down the hall with the tools that were used to take his hand. Thankfully, the doors shut before Ryan could get a chance to come in.

Terra: Now Roxas will have to wait until the elevator comes back to continue his fight scene.

McLean whimpered and sunk to the floor as the elevator went up to a random floor he had pressed once he had entered.

Xion: At least while he's in there he can read the ads for New Eden mall.

His stump was bleeding terribly, and he wondered frightfully if he would die in this apartment building from blood loss.

What the hell had happened, anyways?

Roxas: Something, that's what happened!

Just what the flying fuck was that all about? When McLean first saw the two batons sticking out of Hall's back, he had been amused…

Larxene: (as McLean) What're ya gonna do— marching band me to death?
Axel: See, that's how you do one of those.

but he had underestimated their capabilities. With tools like those, Ryan had bested him…him! Ryan had won…how could it be?

"Not for long," he vowed to himself, feeling woozy all of a sudden. "I'll just come at him again. He won the battle, but the war is far from over…"

Terra: We must have stepped into Captain Hook's backstory all of a sudden.

The elevator doors opened onto the seventh floor. This floor was dark, illuminated only by dim lights. It reminded McLean of death.

Marluxia: The hallway is now pleased with itself for the appropriate lighting choice.

He shuddered and walked out slowly, clutching his battle wound tightly. If there had been a mirror in this hallway, Pete McLean would have seen how white he was.

Axel: And then Kirie would've shown up to kill him.

His speculation that he was dying from blood loss was correct, and if only life were fair to those who commit acts of evil as horrid as his own, he would have died quietly, silently,

Zexion: Redundantly.

and peacefully on that floor.

However, he did not.

Roxas: Considering he'd committed an evil and horrid act, Death suddenly realized it makes no sense for him not to be punished for it.

McLean had no idea where he was heading on this floor, other than safety from Ryan, thinking that he was going to survive this encounter and return to fight another day. Ryan was his rival, his archenemy, the Green Goblin to his Spider-Man, wasn't he?

Terra: You really shouldn't remind people of better stories.

This would be just the first of their encounters, or so he thought…

Larxene: Shut up and die already!

…as he was deep in these thoughts, he took no notice the shadowy figure slowly creeping up behind him. It wasn't until a hand reached out and grabbed his shoulder did McLean scream and turn around.

When it happened, it happened fast. For a brief moment, McLean saw a man of about thirty with a white plastic tube in his hand. A second later, the condiments of the tube were thrown into his face, and McLean entered a world of pain.

Xion: I don't think that world is going to catch on for the games.

White hotness was covering his face, and he fell to the floor, writhing. It felt as though something was eating away his skin, eating away his face, and all of the fight instantly drained out of him. McLean inhaled before giving the loudest scream he ever shouted in his life, a scream so loud it damaged his vocal cords and cut off halfway through, lowering down to a raspy squeal. The pain was magnificent, the worst burn a person could ever endure. He would have thrashed around, but he had no energy left.

Roxas: ...What? That's it? All that build-up and I don't even get to deliver the final hit? *slumps* This story's boring again.

Adam "Pete" McLean succumbed to Death as still as a fallen tree.

Lexaeus: I'd like to ask Death what colour he noticed at the time.
Terra: If a McLean falls and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

Roxas arrived on the seventh floor via the stairs about ten minutes after he had seen McLean go upstairs using the elevator.

Marluxia: It took you ten minutes to run up four flights of stairs? How out of shape are you?
Terra: That action scene is ruined when you imagine Roxas having to stop every landing to wheeze.

The darkness of the hallway unnerved him, but that caution turned into immediate shock when he found a body on the wooden floor.

Zexion: This wooden floor is a pivotal plot point.

Adam McLean was handless and faceless; a red crater had seemed to replace his eyes, nose, and mouth. Blood was all over the floor; if this was McLean, which it was,

Xion: ...thanks for the info...?

then he had died painfully. A death nobody his age should have endured, yet nobody his age should have committed the crimes he had.

Although initially lost for words, Roxas eventually said, "How the hell…"

Roxas: *bitterly* ...did it take me so long to get up here?

He looked up to see a man standing next to him, looking at McLean's body with a mixture of disgust and triumph. The man was about thirty, with long, grey hair and tan skin. His eyes had a mischievous gleam to them, a demonic Saint Nick.

Marluxia: There's an image you'll never see on Christmas cards.

Although Roxas had never met the man face-to-face, he knew who this was.

"Doctor Xehanort," he croaked. "You're the founder of the Organization."

Axel: And the guy that stole all your experience points for this battle.

Xehanort smiled to confirm this. It was a grin that would make Wal-Mart's smiley-face-mascot burn with pure jealousy.

Larxene: Photo-manip needed NOW.
Zexion: It was nice of the narrative to kill the mood so cleanly.

"You killed McLean?" Roxas inquired.

"Oh, yes," said Xehanort, smile not even slightly faltering. "He was an enemy to you, and therefore an enemy to the Organization."

"H-how did you…?"

"Chemical burn, my friend. Solid sodium hydroxide is found in lye. Solid sodium hydroxide burns flesh on contact. Getting hit with a couple pounds worth of the stuff can send any maniac to the ground. I'm sure your contribution helped finish him off, though."

Terra: He sure is talky, isn't he?
Marluxia: At least someone's character remained intact.
Mog: *from notes* Talking time!

"He was petty and cowardly," said Xehanort, somewhat bored with his newest member's analysis of the situation. "Not much of a loss."

Yet Roxas could not take his eyes off the bloody body. He felt tears swim into his eyes. What a horrible way to die. He had never wanted this…

Larxene: Except for every time we had to listen to you whine about how much you wanted this.
Roxas: I'm reacting like a normal human being! Don't ruin this moment!

but it had to have been done. What other choice was there? Let McLean go and wait for him to find him and put a bullet into his skull? Or, even worse, Lily's skull?

"Damn it," he choked.

Xehanort patted him on the shoulder.

Xion: *pats Roxas on the shoulder* There, there, honeysnoogle.
Mog: *from notes* More talking time!

"Now," said Dr. Xehanort. "Let's get you to your girlfriend."

They took the elevator down

Terra: Which took half an hour.

and reached the apartment, which had its door hanging by one hinge.

Roxas: And there's another thing the Ions have to deal with! You're a jerk, Ryan.

Xehanort stopped his underling before they reached the room.

"Is she naked?"

Xion: Ew, I never wanna hear him say those words about me again.
Mog: *from notes* Roxas goes into the apartment.

"Where is he?" she whispered.

"Dead," said Roxas. "He's dead."

"Good."

Xion: Fic-me is taking today's events in surprisingly good stride.

He knelt down beside her and kissed her full on the lips.

Larxene: ...Is this gonna turn into healing!cock? Cuz that would gross even me out.

A huge relief had swept over him. Things had gotten bad, so bad, and he had thought his involvement in the Organization was to blame.

All: YES IT WAS!

But the Organization killed off McLean, he had won, and Lily was safe, she was safe

Roxas unbound his girlfriend and got her some clothes. She put them on, blushing furiously, but the damage had been done.

Xion: ... I'm not even going to say anything.
Terra: You know they're gonna take this issue and just throw it away, not showing any signs of how people react to trauma and try to move on with their lives, or discuss the many stigmas against rape survivors.
Xion: Not! Saying! Anything!

"Now," he said. "I want you to meet someone. It's the man who finished McLean off for us, and my employer. Dr. Xehanort!"

Roxas: (as self) Everyone give him a big hand!

The man came in, charming as ever, smile broad.

"Hello," said Xehanort. "Are you okay?"

"No," said Lily dully. "I want to shower."

Terra: So do I. Especially after a line like that, for some reason.

"All in due time," said Xehanort, his smile growing wider. "You're probably confused as to why I'm here. You see, your boyfriend here has recently joined the ranks of an elite group of intellectuals called Organization XIII. I am its leader, Dr. Xehanort. I recruited Ryan here to be apart of my plans, after reading his essay on the Chaos Theory. There are eleven others besides us two, at a hideout not-too-far-away. It is safe there. You will be given a room, food, shower, and many other luxuries that come with dating a Member."

Lexaeus: It took him an hour to say that.
Xion: Do I get a dental plan?

"Um. Okay," Lily whispered, still shocked. Roxas could tell she was thinking that everything was moving so quickly. He had to agree.

Xion: I missed out on the first few chapters so I'm not aware how much this plot has been dragging.

"However, upon joining the Organization, Ryan Hall is now 'Roxas'.

Roxas: Notice the air quotes.

We all have aliases, besides myself, since I am the Founding Father, I guess you could say. As Founding Father, I have been responsible for picking and choosing the members of my Organization. Thirteen was the maximum,

Terra: (as Xehanort) Just cuz.

and your boyfriend got the last slot because he rather impresses me.

Larxene: (as Xehanort) That's my flimsy excuse for making him a protagonist. Ya bored yet?

We are a family, our Organization, and we I

Axel: Make up your mind.

am welcoming to extend our little gathering to you. You will not be officially apart

Zexion: FOR THE LOVE OF LIGHTBULBS IT'S TWO WORDS!

of the Organization, no, but you may stay. Will you stay?"

"I don't…" she looked at Roxas. "Ryan?"

Roxas said quietly, "You should come. It's safe. Safest place I know. And I love it all.

Roxas: Except when I left because I was sick of how no one told me anything and treated me more like a tool than a person.
Axel: That only happened in the games, Roxas.
Roxas: I know. I just thought I'd remind everyone of happier times.

I want you to come."

"I…want…he killed my parents!" she shrieked. She was completely dry of tears, but she was still well and ready to wail. "My parents are dead!

Roxas: Hey, Lily, what did your parents get you for Christma—
Xion: *mimes slap* My parents are dead!

Sure, they sort of ignored me a lot of the time,

Zexion: (as Lily) Except for that major plot point of them taking me to Germany.

but I still loved them and he shot them! Why?" Her voice cracked with the strain.

Lexaeus: I would like to know how he'll explain all of this.
(Roxas and Xion share a glance)
Roxas: You ready for this?
Xion: *nod* I'm ready.
Roxas: (as self) Lily! A deranged madman is trying to take over the world with an army of mind-controlled dead people and there's no one who can stop him! Except for you and me!
Xion: (as self) Oh my god! Let's make out!
Both: *Psychonauts referencing high-five*

Roxas opened his mouth, but Xehanort raised a hand to silence him. His mouth snapped shut.

In a soothing voice, Xehanort said to Lily, "The McLean boy was psychotic, and hated your boyfriend worse than anything.

Roxas: Punch! In the face! All I did!

In whatever way he killed your parents, I'm afraid it would not be equal to the pain and suffering he endured when he crossed the Organization's path…my path. Rest assured, Lily, if vengeance is what you seek, ease your emotions;

Xion: DOOON'T GOOOO WAASTIIINGG YOUURR EEMOOOOOTIONS! LAAAAY AAALL YOUR LOOVE OON MEEEE!

your parents' killer is upstairs with his face burned off from dry sodium hydroxide. And he's handless.

Larxene: *in all seriousness* You should have cut off his dick too. That'd cheer her up.

This is what happens to enemies of the Organization. With us, you will be safer than the damn President. What say you? Shall you stay?"

She sniffed. "Yes."

Roxas smiled.

"Wonderful!" exclaimed the Superior, beaming.

Roxas: Yeah, because “wonderful” is EXACTLY the word I’d use to describe the entire upheaval of an innocent girl’s life.
Axel: It’s better than the incoherent screaming I’d rather be doing right now.

"However, you can't be Lily Ion anymore, that part of your life is over…Hmm, perhaps Xily is good?

Marluxia: Not really, considering the rest of the members didn't need anagrams.
Axel: 'Cept for Lea!

What say you, Roxas?"

"Why not Xion?" suggested the Chaos Theorist.

Roxas: (as self) I needed something to think about on the ten minute run.

"Ah! That works. Please, stand up, Xion.

Xion: Being a girl, I'm not allowed to make my own decisions. I’ll just let the men control my actions and take me away to a life of death and terror.
Lexaeus: No extended family or friends exist for us to be concerned about their closure on these events. For all intents and purposes, Lily Ion is now deceased to the world.

We should really get out of here before someone discovers poor McLean upstairs, and I think we have a nice hot shower waiting for you when we get home."

Roxas: *annoyed* Yes, keep mentioning the shower! That will magically solve everything that just happened to her!
Axel: Let the power of Dove wash all that dead family and soon-to-be PTSD away.
Mog: And now that the misogyny is really kickin', it's time for a break!
[to be continued...]
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